"Cue a 20-minute conversation where I had to explain that 2+2=4. I’m still not totally sure she got it by the end..."

"He looked at me, perplexed, and I had to explain that you can’t eat chicken raw because it will make you sick. He told me, 'It’s just rare, you’re overreacting.'

I flagged the server and kindly told them. They saw the chicken, profusely apologized, and said they would make some more. The guy I was on the date with said, 'You should have specified you wanted well done instead of rare then.'

"She replied, 'I don’t know, they always put me to sleep before they do them.'"

"I paused for a moment because this was certainly a first for me, so I asked her, 'How are we supposed to deliver to you if you won’t tell us what your address is?' She told me that she didn't know the address herself.

I paused again and repeated myself, 'Ma’am, how are we supposed to bring you pizza if you don’t know where you are?' She asked if that meant I wouldn't take her order. I told her I couldn't without an address to deliver to, and she told me that she'd order from somewhere else!

I said, 'I guess you will!' and hung up on her. She didn’t sound drugged, drunk, or senile, and it didn’t seem like a prank call, but I've definitely never had a call quite like that one."

"All these years later, I still can't even parse that sentence. My brain flatly refuses to even attempt to make sense of it."

"A look of horror came over her face before she asked if it was ethical to raise chickens without bones..."

"At first, I thought he was trolling, so I asked a couple of follow-ups, and he answered them as well as he could.

When I asked him, 'Where does it go in the earth?' He responded, 'It’s in the ocean where nobody has gone yet.'"

"Come to find out, she had plugged the power strip into itself..."

"Everyone in line was giving each other looks while we were overhearing this."

"She proceeded to ask, 'No, when it’s alive, is it a cow, a chicken, or a pig?'

When I told her that ham is a pork product, she responded, 'No, pork comes from a cow's butt, so that doesn’t make sense.'

"Her mind was blown, and she was dead serious."

"This was when you could view Vladimir Lenin’s entombed body at the Kremlin (early post-Soviet Russia). As we were walking to see Lenin, I heard three older girls from the (prestigious) private Catholic school in our town say, 'I didn’t know the Beatles were Russian, I totally thought they were from Europe or something.' The history teacher, who was one of our chaperones, nearly keeled over when I told him what they said. 

Needless to say, they were pretty confused when we finally saw Vladimir Lenin and not John Lennon. That’s the product of expensive, high-quality private education for you."

"Cue a 20-minute conversation where I had to spell out that 2+2=4. I’m still not totally sure she got it by the end."

"I thought smoke was going to start coming out of his ears from how much that hurt his brain."

"Even after admitting she was joking, they still had to cancel the flight, unload everything and everyone, and search all the bags, as a threat had been made.

She was completely surprised when she was put on a no-fly list and moaned endlessly about how unfair it was.

Oh, and for reference, she was born in Spain to English parents, went to Spanish schools, spoke Spanish all day every day, and got a degree in Spanish at an English University."

"There were a few comments from relatives suggesting this might not be a good idea, yet she was doubling down on 'celebrating' her boy who was 'growing up.'

More like growing up into three or four different people who just stole the poor kid's identity."

"After they finished their masterpiece, they wanted to make sure their friends knew they were the ones who'd done it, so they signed their names.

They were SHOCKED by how quickly the school administration figured out who the artists were."

"When someone asked him how tall he was. He answered, 'I don’t know, I’m about five foot, twelve, I guess.'

I still made out with him, but the victory was a little less sweet."

"She looked at us, dead serious, and said, 'No, they’re an hour and a half.'

Colby and I shot each other a look before his dad told her, 'Close enough.' We had a good chuckle after she left. 

The next year, when we were in college, she also wrote Colby a few letters and never spelled his name the same way twice."

"She said, 'Of course, I'm on my way!' When she got to me, I started talking about how I was worried my Prius may have officially died, and that if the main battery is dead, I'm screwed because I can't afford a new car right now.

That's when she went on a rant about how she'd never own an electric car (Prius is a hybrid, not electric) and then said that global warming was a conspiracy, as evidenced by all this snow we just got, and then said, 'You don't think the government knows how to make it snow?' I didn't say a word, so she continued, 'They can make it snow when they want to.'

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.